Two Worlds Collide
by redsandman99
Summary: Sequel to Fight for Life. When the WWE comes to Apocalyspe City for a pay per view, some of the Divas get kidnapped and taken to a hell dimension. John, Jackie and the rest of the gang are called in to save them, leading to the collison of John's worlds.
1. Chapter 1

Lita groaned in displeasure. "Oh God, look at me! I'm as big as a house!" The former Diva was due to give birth any day now and she was not happy with the way she looked. "Chris, tell me how fat I look."

John and Jackie looked at Chris with interest. The two of them had been trying to watch TV, but it was hard when Lita was laying on the couch and complaining about how she was tired of being pregnant. John knew very well that Jackie was considering duct taping Lita's mouth shut just so they could watch _House_ in peace.

Chris shook his head. "You look beautiful. You don't look fat at all." He looked at Jackie and John. "Right guys?"

_Oh sure, throw us to the cranky wolf_, John thought. "You look awesome," he told Lita. There was no way he was telling her anything else.

Jackie nodded in agreement. "You look great. Quit worrying so much."

"You look like you swallowed a giant watermelon whole," Spike blurted out. He was sitting on the floor by Jackie's feet.

Lita's eyes widened. "What?"

"Oh wait, we weren't being honest?" Spike said in confusion. He wasn't saying it to be mean. He honestly didn't realize that honesty was not the best policy at the moment.

"Nice going Spike," Chris said as Lita burst into tears. He pulled his very upset girlfriend into his arms and held her tightly.

Spike shook his head. "I'm sorry Lita, but that's what you get for letting Chris infecting you with his offspring."

Jackie smacked him on the back of the head. "That's it, you're not hanging out with Leslie anymore. She's a bad influence on you."

John grinned and put his arm around Jackie. The two of them had been hanging out alone more and more during the past couple of weeks. Everyone else were convinced they were dating, but neither of them had really talked about it. They weren't in a hurry to put a label on their relationship at the moment.

Rupes came into the room. "Hey guys, do you want to know what I just heard on the radio? Survivor Series got moved from the Qwest in Omaha to right here in Apocalypse City."

John raised his eyebrows. "Why? Did they suddenly decide to kill all the wrestlers?"

Rupes shrugged. "Don't ask me why they did it. But I've got everyone else saying they want to go now. Do you guys want to go?"

Jackie nodded. "Sure. I might as well go to make sure nobody dies."

John hesitated for a moment before nodding along. He hadn't had any contact with the wrestling world ever since he had left the WWE. Well, he was obviously in contact with Lita, but she hadn't had much contact with anybody else either. This would be the first time his new world and his old world would be at the same place at the same time and that made him feel a little nervous. Everything that could go wrong in Apocalypse City usually did happen. He couldn't imagine having the entire WWE in this place.

"Oh God," Lita said suddenly. "I think my water just broke."

Chris's eyes widened. "What?"

"The baby's coming!" Jackie said happily. "I want to deliver it!"

Rupes glared at her. "No, we are taking her to the hospital. I already talked to you about that."

Jackie pouted as Rupes and Chris helped Lita to her feet. "He's no fun," she muttered as Rupes yelled for Clarissa to grab Lita's bags.

John patted her leg sympathetically. "I'm sorry. Maybe if you go to college and become a doctor, then you can deliver babies."

"I don't want to go back to school though. I hate school. And I hate doctors. I just like the thought of delivering my own god child. It would be awesome."

"You do know he hasn't officially made you the God mother yet, right?"

She waved her hand at him. "Details John. Don't go into those dumb details."

He shook his head and grinned at her. "You are so funny sometimes. Now come on. If you can't deliver the kid, you can at least go and watch Lita's pain."


	2. Chapter 2

The entire gang ended up with the delivery room with Lita. The doctors weren't exactly happy with that, but they weren't going to dare to tell Jackie no. Besides, Lita had wanted them there in the first place. Of course, by the time she was actually giving birth, she was singing an entirely different tune.

"Come on Lita, remember the breathing we practiced," Tony said encouragingly. "This will go a lot better if you remember to breathe."

"I AM BREATHING YOU ASSHOLE!" Lita yelled. Her face and hair were soaked in sweat from all the pushing she was doing. "WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? HOLDING MY BREATH?"

"Baby, you should probably just keep your mouth shut," Andy told his boyfriend. "Women get crazy when they're giving birth."

"CRAZY? YOU THINK I'M ACTING CRAZY? COME OVER HERE AND LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT CRAZY REALLY IS!"

Chris winced in pain. "Baby you're squeezing my hand too tightly. You're hurting me."

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS!" Lita informed him.

"Okay," Chris said weakly. He looked too scared to disagree with her.

Jackie tapped John on the shoulder and handed him her notebook. They had been using that to correspond with each other so they wouldn't incur the wrath of Lita. **I am officially never having a baby. I'm just going to adopt a kid if I ever want one.**

John smirked and took out his own pen. **Or you could just keep taking care of Spike. If that boy doesn't start emotionally maturing soon then he's never going to do it.**

Almost as soon as that was written, Spike got behind the doctor and peered between Lita's legs. "Holy crap!" he said. "It looks like the creature from the Red Lagoon!"

Everybody stopped what they were doing and gave him a strange look. Even Lita was too puzzled to yell at him. "The creature from the Red Lagoon?" Robin finally repeated.

"Well she's red down there," Spike explained.

Leslie smirked. "Yeah, she's a fire crotch."

"EXCUSE ME? NOBODY ASKED YOU TO LOOK DOWN THERE!"

**Okay, now my ears are starting to hurt,** Jackie wrote. **I don't think I can stand this anymore.**

**You could ask her to stop**, John suggested.

Jackie actually made a face at him before writing her response. **I would rather catch syphilis thank you very much.**

Christina put her hands up to her head and let out a scream of her own. "Oh wonderful, she's having a vision," Rupes said sarcastically as Damian caught her as she was falling. "That's the last thing we need."

"There's a portal," Christina gasped out. She was twitching uncontrollably and her eyes were rolling all around her head. "It's going to open by the 711 a few blocks down. Demons are going to come out of it and they're going to be looking for something. We can't let them get it."

"Well what are they looking for?" Clarissa asked.

"I don't know but I know you better stop them before they find it!"

Damian dropped Christina. "Sweet! Field trip!" He, Cody and Rupes practically ran out the door.

"Why are they running?" Lita asked. "Don't they want to be here with me?"

"Your creature from the Red Lagoon scared them," Spike informed her.

"Okay, that's enough out of you," John said quickly. He and Jackie quickly pushed him out of the room, only to be closely followed by Christina and Leslie.

"There's no way I can stand being in there anymore," Leslie said loudly. "I can't take all her screaming. Just because she's pushing a giant thing out of her hoo-ha doesn't mean she needs to get all cranky at us."

John frowned. "Hoo-ha?"

Spike giggled. "Hoo-ha. I like that."

"She's in an extreme amount of pain!" Jackie said defensively. "You would be screaming at everyone too if that was coming out of you."

"No I wouldn't because I plan to adopt. Pregnancy only leads to stretch marks."

"Oh yes, because that is the mother of all evils," Christina said sarcastically. "Can we get going a little faster? We've got demons to kill and a new baby to welcome."

John and them took off running, and they caught up with Rupes, Damian and Cody. The portal was open just enough to let five demons jump out of it. And they were some of the oddest demons John had ever seen. They looked like they were made out of pure molten rock and they had giant tusks sticking out of their noses and they had horns on their head.

"Tortooga!" Spike yelled fearfully. He jumped behind Jackie for protection. "Tortooga!"

"Torwhatta?" Leslie said.

"Tortooga!"

"Wait, they're called Tortooga demons?" John asked in confusion.

Spike shook his head. "From Tortooga. Bad place. Lots of fire."

Rupes groaned. "Tortooga was the hell dimension he was stuck in all those years. He used to say it all the time when we first got it out."

"But how does he know what the name of it was?" Damian asked. "He can't even remember where he is currently half the time!"

"Is that really the issue right now?" Jackie said. "We've got five demons looking like they want to kill us right now."

John cursed under his breath. "All I have is this stake. Do you think this will work?"

"Oh yes John," Cody said sarcastically. "It'll be like trying to stake a brick wall. That works all the fucking time."

Spike pointed to his Adam's apple. "It'll work if you stake them right here. That's their only weak spot."

"Sweet," Jackie said. She took out her own stake. "I can work with that."

They rushed the demons all at once. John tried to shoulder tackle one down to the ground. That only made the demon stumble back a step or two and it made him feel like he had broken his own collarbone. "Bad idea, bad idea," he muttered. He swung at the demon and punched it in the face. "OW! My hand! That was stupid!"

The demon picked him up by the throat with both hands. Instead of trying to loosen its hands, he drove his stake up into its throat. It let go of him and crumpled down to the ground.

"Help!" Damian screamed. One of the demons was holding him above its head. Cody tried to kick the demon in the nuts. "Shit! There's nothing there!"

"Well that's not helpful then, is it?" Damian snapped.

Rupes tried to kill the demon but got Damian thrown at him for his trouble. Jackie stole Cody's stake and spun around, stabbing the demon that had thrown Damian and then got another one just a second later. "Oh yeah, I am the king," she proclaimed.

The portal suddenly reopened and the two remaining demons jumped back in it before they could get killed. "Chickens!" Leslie yelled as the portal closed back up.

"The King wants them back," Spike muttered.

"Who?" John asked. "You need to stop acting like we have any idea what you're talking about dude. Because we're lost half the time you open your mouth."

"Tortooga has a king. Those things were his solders. If he sent him then it's bad."

"Great," Christina muttered. "That's the last thing we need. Crazy demons from other dimensions coming around just in time for the pay per view on Sunday. This is going to get ugly in a hurry."

John couldn't agree more.


	3. Chapter 3

Lita gave birth to Rachel Marie Anderson later that night. The new baby distracted everyone most of the time, but with each passing day, the looming thought of Survivor Series weighed on everyone's mind. John felt a sharp sense of panic every time he thought about all the things that could go wrong. It got worse as each day passed and by the morning of the pay per view, he was having a full on panic attack.

"I can't breathe," he gasped. "Somebody help, I can't breathe."

Christina grabbed her inhaler. "Here. Use this."

He did use it but it didn't help. "I still can't breathe. I'm about to go insane if this knot doesn't leave my chest."

Jackie got up. "Give me one minute." She ran out of the room and came back with a small vial of potion. "It's for anxiety," she explained as she took off the lid. "Think of it as my version of Xanex. Only it's better than Xanex because I made it."

Christina looked skeptical. "I wouldn't drink it if I were you John. It's probably poisonous."

"Why would I give John something poisonous?" Jackie asked. "I actually like John."

John took the potion and drank it on one gulp. It tasted nasty as hell but it started working immediately. "Thanks. I really needed that." He leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "What are we going to do tonight? Are we just going to sit in the crowd and see if anything happens? Are we going to go backstage? I mean, how are we going to keep an eye on everything and everybody? And what if we miss something? Oh Jesus, somebody is going to get killed and I--"

Jackie cut him off with a kiss. "Are you done being hysterical?" she asked when she finally pulled away.

He grinned. "Will you kiss me again if I say no?"

Christina groaned. "Oh God, I knew you two were dating."

"We are not dating," Jackie denied. She looked back at John. "Unless you want to date. Do you want to date? Can we call it dating? We haven't ever really been on a date. Not unless you count going out and killing demons as a date. Then we've been on hundreds of those."

"Oh and don't forget the night you and the other girls basically raped me in my own bed," John reminded her. "That could be considered a date."

She shook her head. "Nah, it wasn't rape. You would have said no if you didn't want it."

"True."

Christina rolled her eyes. "You two are freaks. I'm not hanging out with you tonight. You're going to be all busy being all over each other."

Jackie suddenly grinned. "I got it! You, me, Chris, Lita and the baby can go backstage and keep an eye on things and the others can be put all through the crowd."

John frowned. "I don't think Lita and Chris are going to want to bring Rachel. I don't even think they're going to want to go."

"Oh they're going. The last time we didn't take Chris we all nearly died because we didn't have his wealth of knowledge to pick at. And Lita hates it when we leave her by herself. She gets all stir crazy."

"Well she could just stay here with the baby," John pointed out. "Bringing Rachel isn't really a smart idea."

Jackie shook her head. "Trust me, the baby will be fine. I gave Lita an early birthday present and put a little protection spell on the poop machine. Little Rachel should be safe for about a year."

"Why a year?" Christina asked. "Why not longer?"

"Hey, I didn't manufacture the spell. I can't control how long it lasts."

John grinned. "I'm sure Lita and Chris appreciated that."

"They did actually. They got all teary eyed and then they started trying to hug me. But they had the baby and she smelled like she had shit herself so I ran away."

John chuckled. Jackie was so funny sometimes.

The rest of the day passed pretty quickly, and soon enough they were on their way to the Apocalypse City Arena. As they were driving, John wondered why the city didn't bother to name it something else. He thought about asking the others but decided against it. They would probably just shrug and say they had no idea who named the thing or why.

When they got to the arena, he, Jackie, Rupes, Chris, Lita and Spike went backstage while the others got themselves into the crowd. Jackie performed what Chris described as a Jedi mind trick on the guard so they could get in without any backstage passes. "This is really weird," Lita commented. She was pushing Rachel in her little stroller. "Does anyone else feel like two completely different worlds are smashing together against their wills?"

Jackie nodded. "There's a reason Apocalypse City usually doesn't host sporting or entertainment events. It always turns into a slaughter."

"Maybe that's why we allowed this to happen here," Rupes said. "Maybe we're not meeting our slaughter quota for the month."

John shuddered. "God, don't talk like that. I can honestly believe that as a reason for why this is happening."

"Cena?"

John looked over and saw Undertaker approaching him. "Hey Taker. You notice anything crazy yet?"

Undertaker nodded. "I saw a demon restaurant on my way over here. I'm not going to lie, the food actually smelled pretty good."

Jackie grinned. "Razor's place strikes again. I love it. I'm Jackie by the way. John's girlfriend and defender of the human race. Can you do that thing where you roll your eyes in the back of your head? And can I have an autograph?"

"Jackie, calm down for two seconds," Rupes scolded. "We're here to protect the wrestlers, not bug them." Then he looked at Undertaker. "Although I wouldn't mind an autograph. I would actually appreciate it more than she would."

"Hey! I would so really appreciate it!"

John rolled his eyes. It was nice to see how easily distracted everyone was. "Come on," he said as he grabbed Jackie's arm. "We have evil things to check for."

So John and Jackie went one way, Rupes and Spike went another and Lita and Chris went yet another way. But they didn't find anything extremely suspicious going on. Things seemed perfectly normal, which meant that the evil hadn't arrived yet.

"John?"

_Maybe I thought too soon._ John and Jackie soon found themselves face to face with John's ex-girlfriend Mickie James. He suddenly felt very, very awkward. The last time he had seen her, she had been making out with Randy. It hadn't been a pleasant experience to say the least. "Hello Mickie," he said.

Mickie looked shocked to see him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were--"

"I'm just visiting," he said quickly. "I'm not back for good."

"Oh."

Jackie looked between the two exes before looking around behind Mickie. "So where's Orton at? Aren't you supposed to be playing tonsil hockey with him or something?"

John sighed and closed his eyes. Leave it to Jackie to make things even more awkward.

Mickie looked hurt. "Randy and I broke up months ago."

"Did he cheat?" John asked. He couldn't help himself.

She nodded. "With Maryse."

"Wow, that's a shame," Jackie said. "It must suck to be you. I'm Jackie by the way, John's girlfriend and defender of mankind."

"Why are you introducing yourself like that?" John finally asked.

"I don't know. It's fun."

Mickie looked at her like she was insane. "You're his girlfriend?"

"Yup." Jackie put her arms around John. "Don't we look so cute together?"

John watched as Mickie muttered something about a match she had coming up next and took off running. "You're evil, you know that?" he said.

"Nonsense. I am a perfect little angel." They met back up with the others.

"We found nothing," Spike announced. "There's nothing back here."

"But there might be something up front," Chris said. He pointed to the monitor. The match that was just currently starting was Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Melina, Maria and Eve versus Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Maryse, Jillian and Natalya. A portal like the one the demons from Tortooga had come from was starting to open. The divas were freaking and the rest of the gang was trying to get towards the ring.

"Fucking shit!" Jackie cursed. She, John, Rupes and Spike took off running towards the ring. But as they were coming down the ramp, there was a giant flash of blinding white light. When everyone was able to see again, the divas were gone and the ring was overflowing with the Tortooga demons.

Spike started freaking out. "The girls went through the portal. The Crimson King has them. Poor girls."

John shook his head and looked at Rupes. "So will this fulfill the slaughter quota for the month?"

Rupes nodded. "Yeah, this will probably do it."


	4. Chapter 4

Since about eighty percent of the crowd actually was from Apocalypse City, most of them just stayed in their seats. The other twenty percent of the crowd, the camera men, the announcers and the photographers started freaking out, but there was no time to worry about them. The demons were the main concern at the moment. John grabbed one of the demons by the ankle and pulled it out of the ring. The Apocalypse City natives were going nuts and cheering for the demons to die. If the people at home didn't know better, they would probably think this was some sort of weird angle or something.

John slammed the demon's head against the ring post. "I need something to kill this thing!" he yelled. "Somebody give me a weapon!"

A fan handed him a knife. "Here, use this."

"Thanks man," John said. He took the knife and stabbed the demon in the throat. "You mind if I keep this?"

"I don't mind as long as I get your autograph."

John took the pen the man had and signed his name on the man's program sheet. "There you go."

"Ariba!" Christina shouted. She and Robin climbed up on the turnbuckles and jumped down towards two of the demons. The demons caught them in mid-air, but they got rewarded by low dropkicks from Andy and Tony.

"Guys, this is not a wrestling match!" John reminded them. He ducked a swing from another demon and stabbed that one in the throat too.

"Oh quit spoiling our fun Cena," Tony said. He pulled Robin out of the way and kicked a demon in the face.

**Fuck em up Jackie, fuck em up! Fuck em up Jackie, fuck em up! **The crowd was going nuts for Jackie, who was doing some major damage. Major damage was the name of her game and she looked happy that she was being appreciated for it.

But Rupes looked very offended. He grabbed the microphone from a petrified Lillian so he could address the room. "Hey! What are the rest of us, chopped liver?"

**Fuck em up Rupes, fuck em up! Fuck em up Rupes, fuck em up!**

"That's better," Rupes said. He dropped the microphone and rejoined the fight. By the time all the demons were dead, John felt like he had a broken hand and the knife he had taken looked ready to break. But they did receive a standing ovation, which was a nice touch.

"Oh my God, do you think let all this air on pay per view?" Robin asked suddenly.

John shrugged. "Probably. We are live and Vince likes to keep the show going no matter what."

"So we just debuted on pay per view?" Leslie said incredulously. "Oh God, is my hair all messed up? Do I look like an absolute mess? I knew I should have put more make-up on before I left the hotel."

Clarissa rolled her eyes. "Sweetheart, I love you, but please shut up."

Jackie laughed and put her arm around John's shoulder. "Did you ever think you'd be back in the WWE like this?"

"I was kind of hoping not," he said. "What are we going to do about the divas? We can't just leave them to fend for themselves."

"He's right," Cody said. "We must save them. We must play the heroes and then we can get laid."

Andy smacked him on the back of the head. "Dude, don't be crude. I don't want to hear about your desperate need for sex."

Chris and Lita were waiting for them when they got backstage. "You guys might want to duck and cover," Lita warned them. "Vince saw what happened in that ring and he saw dollar signs. I heard him telling Shane that they should invest in a demon killing championship or something like that."

John rolled his eyes. "Oh Lord, that man can see dollar signs around anything."

Jackie grinned. "I like that idea though. It'll be a great way to get money and I wouldn't even have to work that hard at it."

Their conversation about getting money for killing demons was cut short by the entire locker room storming over to them. Everyone was asking John about what the hell was going on and what had happened to the divas. At least that was what he thought they were asking. It was hard to understand them because they were talking all at once.

"Okay shut up!" Jackie finally yelled. "We will get the divas back so get your panties out of a bunch. And unless you have a girlfriend or a sibling or a trusted friend missing, get the fuck back and let us do our shit, or so help me God, I will kick your asses too."

That made people back off in a hurry. Soon, all the people left were Jeff and Matt Hardy, Undertaker, Randy Orton, Edge, CM Punk and Santino Marella. John groaned internally when he saw Randy was refusing to move. He remembered what Mickie said about him being with Maryse. At the moment, it looked like he was going to have to save his ex-girlfriend and the current girlfriend of the man who stole his ex-girlfriend in the first place. And, to make things even worse, Matt, Lita and Edge were reunited now. Add Jackie and Chris into this little situation and this situation redefined the words weird and awkward. _This is going to be one long night._


	5. Chapter 5

"So who did you mother fuckers lose?" Jackie asked the wrestlers that had stayed. She asked the question very cheerfully, like there wasn't anything in the world to worry about.

"I'll tell you who I lost," Santino said, causing John to groan. This was going to prove to be very interesting. "I lost my Glamazon and I will not-a rest until I get her back!"

Jackie just stared at the short Italian for a moment until she burst out laughing. She tried to regain her composure several times but she ended up falling on the floor and laughed until she cried. "He sounds funnier in person!" she finally managed to gasp out.

Cody patted Santino on the shoulder. "It's okay Mario. We'll get your girlfriend back."

"My name is not Mario mister Kirk Cameron! I am Santino Marella!"

John grinned. "Dude, now that I think about, you do look like Kirk Cameron when he was a teenager."

Cody glared at him. "Don't go there. My friend Devon used to tell me that before he got killed."

"Sorry."

"Can somebody please explain to me what the hell is going on?" Jeff asked. He looked very upset. "I want to know where Maria went."

"Maria went to Tortooga," Spike said. "If we don't get to her in time, the Crimson King will either kill her or maker her his new queen."

John sighed. "Unfortunately, he's probably not kidding."

Randy looked at everyone with his guarded stare. "Were those things out there demons?"

"Oh see, the Legend Killer here gets it," Rupes said. He frowned at Edge and Matt. "Why are you two staring at Lita like that? You're starting to creep me out."

"Uh…Lita, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have a baby with you," Edge said slowly.

Lita nodded. "I know that Edge. Rachel is my baby."

"But who's the dad?"

Chris raised his hand. "That would be me."

Edge frowned. "Yeah right." He looked at Lita. "Seriously, who's the dad?"

"Chris just told you it was him," Lita said angrily.

"But…he's all nerdy."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well at least he's a step up from you."

"Oh shut up Hardy. Why do you even care? You're dating Eve now."

"I could ask you the same question Copeland. Not only are you married to Vickie, but you're cheating on her with Maryse."

"Excuse me?" Randy snarled.

Edge just smirked at Randy. "Don't give me that look Orton. I know what you've been doing with Kelly behind Maryse's back."

John sighed. Some things never changed, no matter how much time passed. "Well you two can sort that out yourself on the way to the hotel," he told them. "And while you're doing that, we'll get the girls back and save the day. Because that's what we do." He pulled Jackie back up to her feet. "Isn't that right?"

Jackie gave Jeff a hopeful look. "If I let Maria sleep with John, will she let me sleep with you?"

Jeff looked completely floored by that question. "What?" he finally managed to get out.

Rupes and John grabbed Jackie and started dragging her away before she could maul Jeff right then and there. "Oh come on!" she whined. "I asked nicely!"

"Well I didn't really appreciate that," John told her. "We've talked about this Jeff obsession."

"No, you talked and I only pretended to listen."

Randy laughed. "Wow Cena, that's quite the girlfriend you have there."

"Dude, I'd watch my mouth if I were you," Damian warned him. "One of them will punch you if you don't, and my money is that Jackie will beat your face in."

Rupes managed to get them back to the Applegate Hotel in one piece, although John wasn't quite sure how it was managed. The gang only really seemed to like Matt and Jeff (and to be honest, John was kind of afraid the girls were going to leave Maria and Eve to die so THEY could take the Hardys for themselves) and Randy, Edge and Santino were driving them all nuts.

"Dude, she had to be drunk when she fucked you," Edge told Chris as they went into the hotel. "I mean I know her pretty well and she's just not into the whole geek boy thing."

"Adam would you shut the fuck up?" Lita snapped. She was pissed off as it was and he was making it worse. "You don't know me like you think you do so fuck off!"

"Honey, I'll take care of this," Chris assured her. He punched Edge in the balls as hard as he could, causing the older man to double over in pain. "I hit pretty hard for a geek, don't I you bastard?"

"Go Chris!" Robin cheered.

John was about to add his two cents when he saw the predatory looks Jackie and Christina were giving Matt and Jeff. Andy and Tony saw the looks too and they immediately helped him grab the girls before they could pounce. "Rupes, I'd hurry and find out how we can get into Tortooga too," he said as he tried to pull Jackie up the stairs. "Hey Cody, you want to give Matt and Jeff a little tour?"

"I'll give them a tour," Jackie volunteered.

Christina nodded. "Me too."

"No!" John told them.

"Yeah," Andy agreed. "Down girls. Bad girls."

Jackie grinned. "Yes, I'm very bad. I should be punished.

Rupes groaned and took off running towards his office. "Oh God, please let me find what I need quick. The last thing we need is a horny Jackie running around chasing someone besides John."

_Amen to that_, John thought.

Jackie grinned at him. "You've never thought of doing boy/boy/girl threesome?"

He groaned and tossed her over his shoulder. "Let's go. I'm taking you away from temptation before you remember that you can overpower me with no effort at all."


	6. Chapter 6

John and the others stared at Rupes intently. All forms of fighting and attempted Hardy boy kidnapping had stopped. Now they were focused on trying to help the divas. Well, at least John was. He had a feeling some of the others were just staring at Rupes to creep him out.

"Would you stop that?" Rupes finally snapped. He looked like he was ready to strangle them all. "Not only is that creepy, but it's not helpful!"

"Sorry," Chris apologized. He was always the first one to apologize. He picked up a book and started looking through it.

"I don't see why we can't just let me get the divas back the same way I got Spike back," Jackie said. "That would save time from having to research and it would be done within the next few minutes."

Rupes gave her an exasperated look. "You opened every portal in existence and nearly killed us all while you were doing that. Our whole reality nearly came crashing on our heads because you couldn't wait and just start doing your own thing. And seeing as how last time a dragon got through into our world and nearly killed me, I'm not exactly eager for you to go through with that plan."

"Portals?" Randy repeated carefully. "Dragons? Cena, what kind of fucked up world do you live in now?"

"You have no idea about the half of it," John muttered.

"Knock knock," Razor said. The orange demon had let himself in and he was carrying a pizza. "What's going on?"

Santino let out a girly scream. "Oh my God! It's going to kill us!" He jumped into Jackie's arms. "Kill it replacement Glamazon!"

"Get off me you freak!" Jackie snapped. She tossed Santino down to the ground. "I'm not your replacement anything!"

Jeff and Matt backed away from Razor nervously. "John…" Matt started to say.

"It's cool guys," John assured them. "Razor's a good demon."

Edge made a scoffing noise. "A good demon? Yeah right. How many of those actually exist?"

Every member of the Apocalypse City gang turned to look at Jackie. "Wait a minute," Jeff said slowly. "Why are you all looking at her like that?"

"Jackie's part demon," Lita explained. "It's actually kind of neat once you get used to it."

John could tell the other wrestlers didn't think it was that neat at all. In fact, they looked kind of scared of Jackie now. Of course, that meant Spike thought it was a good idea to open his big mouth and really scare everyone.

"Jackie can kill you with your brain," he announced. "She killed her own father you know. And then John chopped him up into little bits."

All forms of subtlety were thrown out the window. Edge, Randy, Santino, Matt and Jeff got the hell away from Jackie and John. John sighed. "Guys, it's cool. Harvey was totally evil. He deserved to die the way he did."

"I found it!" Rupes announced. He held up the book he had been looking through triumphantly. "I've so totally got it. Who rules? I rule bitch!"

Everyone just stared at him for a moment. Jackie finally took the book from him and patted him on the head. "Yes Rupes, you do rule. You're also going to have to invest in some decaf. You actually managed to scare me with that enthusiasm, I'm not going to lie."

"Shut up," Rupes said. He pointed to the wrestlers. "Now there's no question that you people are staying here." He pointed to Lita and Chris. "And I know you two don't want to leave Rachel. So who else doesn't want to go?"

Leslie and Clarissa raised their hands. "We don't," Leslie said. "I don't know about Mom here, but saving a bunch of bimbos with silicone breasts doesn't really appeal to me."

"No offense or anything," Clarissa added.

"Oh I meant the offense," Leslie insisted.

So it was then quickly decided that Jackie, John, Rupes, Spike, Andy, Tony, Christina, Cody, Robin and Damien would be the ones going. They all went into the lobby so Jackie could get the portal open. John had no idea what language the spell was in and he had a feeling she didn't know either. He looked at the ones who were staying behind and waved. "See you guys later," he said.

Santino glared at him. "You better bring my Beth back to me John Cena or I will open a can of ass whip on you."

Leslie opened her mouth to insult the Italian but John didn't get to hear what she had to say. The next thing he knew, he and the others were going through the portal and landing in a strange place that was extremely hot, full of fire and led to them being surrounded by the Crimson King's demons.

"Aw shit," Jackie groaned. "I knew I should have just done this my way."


	7. Chapter 7

John looked around nervously. He and the others were completely surrounded. They would be able to put up a good fight, but there were at least sixty of the demons already surrounding them and more were making their way over to them. "Oh crap," he muttered. "We are so screwed."

Cody nodded. "Yeah, I have to agree with that statement."

Damien tapped Rupes on the shoulder. "Uh…I hate to point out the obvious, but we need to come up with a plan like right now."

Rupes nodded. "I know."

There was a slight pause. "Rupes!" Andy and Tony yelled when the older man didn't start speaking fast enough.

Rupes just made a high pitched whining noise. "Jackie!" he said helplessly. "I'm cracking under the pressure here! Please help me come up with the plan!"

Jackie sighed as she kicked the demon that tried to lunge at her. "You people always rely on me to get you out of these kinds of messes," she muttered. "Everyone grab on."

John wanted to ask if they were going to take a portal somewhere but he didn't get a chance to. As soon as everyone had a hold of Jackie, they instantly teleported to another part of the dimension. To John, it felt like his skin and his insides were being pulled apart. It was probably one of the most uncomfortable things he had ever felt in his life.

"There we go," Jackie said. "That's better."

The others all collapsed in a heap on the hot ground. John could feel his skin burning, but it was hard to muster up enough strength to get up right away. "That was not fun," he groaned.

"I second that statement," Robin muttered. She looked like she was about to throw up. "I really hate teleporting."

Jackie helped them up to her feet. "Sorry guys. I know it's a little rougher on you than it is for me."

"A little rougher?" Christina said in disbelief. "It doesn't even faze you!"

Tony looked around. "Can we please just save the divas and go home? I've been here two minutes and I already don't like it."

Spike snorted. "Try being here for six years. It's not easy." He looked around. "The Crimson King's castle was closer to where we just were a minute ago. We'll have to get back there somehow."

John frowned. "Wait, he actually has a castle? Like a castle castle?"

"Yeah, what else would he have? He's a king after all."

"Well is it made out of like stone or is it really like a flaming ball of death that will burn us all to death as soon as we go in it?"

"It's a stone castle. There could be fire in it though. I haven't actually been in it. He knows when humans come near it. That's why we had that lovely welcoming committee."

"Well we'll just have to find a way to hide the fact that we're all human," Andy said.

All eyes turned to Jackie. "Ugh!" she said in frustration! "Why are you people always looking at me? Do you know how annoying you all are when you do that?"

"Sorry sweetie," John said. He patted her on the shoulder and kissed her cheek. "We just like relying on you. It's a very comforting thing to do."

Jackie sighed and rolled her eyes. "One of these days, I'm just going to stop taking charge and see if you fuckers sink or swim." Despite that little declaration, she put some sort of spell on them to make it harder for the demons to realize they were humans. She didn't put it on herself though. She just let her own demon come out on the fore front.

"I am never going to get used to that," John said as they followed Spike towards the Crimson King's castle. He couldn't take his eyes off of Jackie now. No matter how many times he saw it, he couldn't believe how grotesque her demon face was. "I want to look away, but I can't."

Cody nodded. "I know. It's like staring at a car wreck or something."

"Oh thanks!" Jackie said sarcastically. "Thanks you guys! You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself."

"Well to be fair, you would be staring at yourself too if you ever looked in a mirror when you were like this," Rupes pointed out.

Jackie glared at him. "I'm already agitated enough as it is. Please do me a favor and shut up before I kill you all."

Everyone shut up and kept following Spike. He seemed to be extremely agitated too. John had no doubt that being back here was not doing him any good. "Are you going to be okay Spike?" he asked.

Spike just stopped walking and cocked his head to the sight. "Uh oh," he said.

"Uh oh?" Damien repeated. "Don't say uh oh. Why did you say uh oh?"

Trumpets began to get blown and drums began to beat. Spike let out howl and began running. The others quickly took off after him, even more confused than ever. "Spike!" Jackie yelled. "What's going on?"

"The Crimson King's going to be choosing a bride soon!" he yelled back. "We're almost out of time!"

John groaned. Well this was going to get crazy. _Hopefully none of us trip and fall, or the divas will be really screwed._


	8. Chapter 8

The Crimson's King castle really looked like something out of a medieval story. It was the biggest thing John had ever seen in his life. It looked like it stretched on and on for miles, and it even had a moat surrounding it. Of course, this moat wasn't filled with water; it was a pit filled with fire and sulfur. Still, it was a moat just the same. The only difference was that you were really screwed if you fell into it.

John and the others followed Jackie across the draw bridge that led to the castle's front interest. All the fire and stuff made the air super hot, so they were now all drenched from head to toe in sweat. "It's a really good thing we did not bring Leslie with us," he said as Jackie killed the castle guards. "She would be bitching so badly right now."

Rupes nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We would never hear the end of it she got as icky as we are right now."

Jackie snapped the last guard's neck and pulled the castle door off its hinges without any trouble. "Come on," she ordered. "Let's move it people."

John sighed as he followed her and the others inside. It wasn't that much cooler inside the castle itself. And to top it off, the hallway they were walking down was lit by only a couple of torches hanging on the wall, so it wasn't like they could really see that well. He grabbed on to Andy's shoulder just to make sure he wouldn't get lost. He chose Andy out of everyone else mainly because even in this badly lit place, his lime green metallic shirt stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Careful with the grip Cena," Andy warned him. "I don't want you wrinkling this shirt."

Tony snorted. "Honey, I hate to break it to you, but that shirt is terrible. It not only deserves to be wrinkled, but it deserves to be burned for offending our eyes."

Andy glared at him. "Oh, like that stupid Hawaiian shirt you're wearing is much better. That thing makes you look like a moron."

John sighed. "I'm glad that in life and death situations like this, you can find it in your heart to take the time and have a little lover's quarrel like this."

Damien chuckled. "Come on John. You've known us for how long now? I think we've proven that we will stop and do just about anything during these kinds of situations."

Screams and yells from the divas could be heard from up ahead. John couldn't tell if they were screaming in terror or some were trying to yell and fight their way free. It was probably a mix of both; some were terrified and the others were trying to fight their way free. Some of the divas could get a little scary when something they didn't like was happening. John knew that from personal experience.

Jackie, who was amazing at tracking the source of any kind of noise, led them all into what appeared to be a gigantic ballroom. The divas were in the middle of the room, and a red demon with a weird antennae like moustache, a pointy chin and rough scales all over its face was looking at them one by one. "Hey, is this a party that I didn't get invited to?" she asked loudly, catching the demon's attention. "Because I don't like being left off guest lists. It makes me feel bad inside.

Spike leaned over to John. "That's the Crimson King," he whispered.

John nodded. "Yeah, I kind of figured that already buddy." Honestly, who the hell else could this freaky red demon be?

The Crimson King grinned at them. "Ah, Spike. I knew you would be back here one day."

Jackie stepped in front of Spike protectively. "Believe me, his stay this time won't be as nearly as long as the first one he endured." She gestured over to the divas. "They won't be staying much longer either."

The Crimson King cocked his eyebrow. "Really? What makes you believe that?"

Rupes pointed to Jackie. "Just look at her. She looks a lot scarier than you do dude."

"And grosser," Maryse muttered.

Eve gave her an annoyed look. "Would you shut up? She's here to rescue us! Don't offend her and make her leave!"

"Don't worry, she won't leave all of you behind," John assured her. "She might leave Maryse, but that's a whole different story."

"Nobody's leaving here today boys and girls," the Crimson King said. He clapped his hand three times and the Tortooga demons that had greeted them when they had first arrived in this dimension came in and surrounded them yet again.

John sighed. Well this sucked. "Jackie…"

Jackie just grinned. And with the way she looked now, that did not comfort him in the least bit. "I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way then," she said.

And that was when all hell officially broke loose.


	9. Chapter 9

Jackie was the first one to start throwing punches like there was no tomorrow, although it didn't take long for everyone else to start following her lead. John started hitting at anything that looked remotely demonic (excluding Jackie of course) and he found himself wishing that he had deadlier fists. If he had those, he could punch through all the demon's chests and not have to swing his weapon all around. Swinging was more tiring on the arms than punching was.

"John!" Spike yelled. He had his dagger out and he was bouncing up and down excitedly. "Launch me!"

"What?" John asked in disbelief as he beheaded one of the demons.

"Launch me!" the younger man repeated.

"Launch you where?"

"The demons in front of you!"

John didn't know why Spike was insisting on this plan, but who was he to question what the kid wanted? He grabbed Spike by the back of the shirt and threw him as hard as he could. Spike hit the demons full on and he started stabbing at them with his dagger like there was no tomorrow. "Nice," John said in appreciation.

"Duck!" Cody yelled at John.

John ducked down and Cody rolled across his back before kicking a demon in the face, nearly knocking himself over in the process. "I fucking hate this shit!" he complained loudly.

"I know," John said in agreement. He picked up Cody by the waist so the boy could do some more face kicking without falling on his ass. "This is some major bullshit that I don't need right now.

"OW!" Jackie suddenly yelled. "Robin!"

"I didn't mean too!" Robin yelled back defensively. "You looked like one of them from behind!"

John turned around and saw that Robin had accidentally stabbed Jackie right in the back. "Wow, no wonder she's pissed."

Damian shook his head. "Yeah, that's why I tend to stay away from Robin when she has a weapon. She shot me in the ass with a crossbow once."

John winced as he decapitated a demon. "Wow, that must have hurt."

"I didn't sit right for a week after that. I still have a scar there to this day. I could show it to you later if you want."

"You know, I think I'll have to pass on that opportunity." He got punched by a demon so he punched it back. "It's not anything personal, but I really don't want to ever see your naked ass."

Damien pouted as he continued to fight. "That's mean John. I've been told I have a cute ass."

Rupes almost actually stopped in his tracks when he heard that coming out of Damian's mouth. "I don't ever want to hear anything like that ever again," he said. "I'm tempted to ground you if we live through this."

"Why?"

"Because you gave me a rather disturbing mental picture! Do you honestly think I want your naked ass running around in my brain?"

"You would if you were a dirty pervert."

"Guys, is this really the time to be talking about asses and perversion?" Tony asked.

Andy rolled his eyes. "Babe, I think you should know the answer to that by now. Yes, this is the time we talk about this shit. We have the most inappropriately timed conversations that I have ever seen or experienced. I'm surprised you're not completely used to this by now."

"Yes, keep talking humans," the Crimson King said. He was watching the fight from up on his throne. "Enjoy your conversation while it lasts. Soon I will--" He suddenly stopped as a knife went straight into his chest. He looked down at in shock before making some gurgling sounds and slumping over.

Everyone, both human and demon froze in their tracks. All eyes turned to Jackie, who had thrown the knife in the first place. She just shrugged helplessly. "He talked way too much."

John couldn't disagree with that. He raised his sword back up, waiting for the next demon to attack him. But to his surprise, the demon's got down on their knees and started bowing at Jackie. "Uh…what the fuck are they doing?"

Rupes just stared at the demons in shock. "I think Jackie might have just accidentally made herself king."

"That's queen to you jackass," she snapped. She looked at the worshipping demons and shooed them away with her hands. "Go away ugly creatures! Leave me alone!"

Christina giggled as the demons actually got up and walked away. "Wow, I didn't think that was going to work."

Jackie glared at her. "You doubt my queen powers? You shall suffer my wrath for that."

Andy rolled his eyes. "Okay Jackie, that's enough."

"Silence! I kill you!"

"Okay Achmed, let's not get carried away here," Rupes said in exasperation. "So uh, do you guys want to go home now?"

The divas just stared at him, obviously kind of scared of him and everyone else. Finally, Maria had to speak. "Yeah," she said in the smallest voice John had ever heard. "I would like to leave now."

"Okay," Rupes said with a nod. "We're going to get going on that. We want to go home too." He looked at Jackie. "You want to open the portal for us?"

Jackie grinned. "I don't know. I could get used to this queen thing."

"Jackie!"

"Fine!" she said with a sigh. "Nobody let's me have any fun around here."

John kissed her on the cheek. "Poor baby."

"Don't I know it."


	10. Chapter 10

John was glad when Jackie brought them all back home through the use of another portal. To be honest, he was just ready to lay down in bed with Jackie and just sleep for like three days. Alternate dimensions were not nearly as fun as some people made them out to be.

Clarissa, Matt, Lita (who was feeding her baby) and an unconscious Edge were in the lobby waiting for them. "Finally!" Clarissa said as she put down her magazine. "I was wondering when you guys were going to get back. Do you have any idea what I've been dealing with since you guys have been gone?"

Rupes just stared at her. "Did you get attacked by an army of demons?"

"No but--"

"Then we have you beat sweetheart."

"Oh I'm not sure about that," Lita said. She tilted her head towards Edge. "Do you want to know why he's unconscious?"

"Oh he's unconscious?" Spike said in surprise. "I thought he was dead."

"Why would you think he was dead?" Christina asked.

"I don't know. He just looked like it."

"He hit on Leslie so she knocked him out with the blunt end of an axe," Matt said. He was barely containing his laughter. "Then Santino called her a scary dragon lady, so she dragged him upstairs and now she's dangling him out the third story window."

"Actually, she just dropped him out of that third story window," Chris said as he, Jeff and Randy came back down the stairs. "Somebody should probably go scrape him off the garden. He's not looking too good out there."

Beth Phoenix sighed. "I'm going to kill this Leslie bitch after I'm done checking on Santino."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Jackie told her as she headed outside. "I've tried it and it never works."

Eve frowned as she walked over to Matt and hugged him. "You really tried to kill someone?"

"Well I've tossed her out a window a few times and I almost choked her to death once, but Rupes stopped me." Jackie shook her head. "The bitch touched my wrestling action figures. That is not cool to do."

John shook his head as the divas and the other wrestlers kind of backed away from Jackie. "You're scaring people honey," he informed her.

She snorted. "So what? They'll get over it." She grinned at Jeff, who was checking over Maria for injuries. "You know, seeing as how I saved your girlfriend, I think I deserve a bit of a reward for my efforts."

Jeff frowned. "Uh…what kind of reward?"

John quickly put his hand over her mouth before she could answer that question. "Forget she said anything. We don't want to go there." He quickly picked her up by the waist and started carrying her upstairs. "I'm just going to take her upstairs. If we don't come back down before you guys all leave, then it was nice seeing you again. And Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I would just start running if I were you. I don't know how long I can keep Jackie off of you."

Jackie got his hand off her mouth but she didn't try to get out of his grip. "Oh come on John! A good boyfriend knows how to share his girl!"

"I am not sharing you with Jeff Hardy and that is final! And I don't think Maria wants to share Jeff either."

"Oh screw Maria," Jackie snapped as she was carried into her bedroom. "I could break her in half like a twig. Hell, most of those divas are twigs. Leslie could break them in half and she's not even that strong."

John grinned. She had a point there. "Well I do know one thing Jackie darling."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"If you really wanted Jeff, you would have already knocked me on my ass so you could go get him."

She sighed and glared at him. "The only reason I haven't is because I actually happen to like you a whole bunch."

"Aw, so you like me more?"

"Don't gloat Cena. It's not a good look for you."

John laughed as he kissed her. "I like gloating though. It's fun to do from time to time." He kissed her again and then plopped down on the bed. "So do you think that the WWE will ever have another pay per view again?"

Jackie just grinned. "I don't know John. You're the one who used to work for them. Why don't you tell me?"

He thought about it. It wasn't a hard question to answer. "I'm going to have to go with a no on that one."

She nodded. "Yeah, me too." She started to sit down next to him, but she froze as an evil look came into her eyes.

"What?" he asked, hoping she hadn't reconsidered the whole Jeff Hardy thing.

"You want to go throw Santino out another window?"

John sighed. His girlfriend was so evil sometimes. But since she had saved the world more times than he could count, he decided it was okay if she participated in some minor evil acts (although torturing Santino probably wasn't really considered all that evil). "Okay," he agreed. "But don't throw him too hard. He'll break easily."

She grinned. "Yay! This is going to be fun!"

John rolled his eyes as he got up to chase after her. He knew very well that if she started picking on Santino, the others would join in and then Rupes would never get them to calm down._ Oh well, that' s his problem, not mine. He's the responsible one after all. I'm just a former wrestler who keeps Jackie in line ninety nine percent of the time. This is officially my one percent break._


End file.
